The Office Actress and Writer Mindy Kaling No Longer Eats Cupcakes After An Attempted Cupcake Bakery Twitter Bribe

In her very funny new book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns), The Office actress and writer Mindy Kaling (who you can also follow @mindykaling on Twitter) has a chapter entitled "The Day I Stopped Eating Cupcakes" (proving my oft-stated contention that cupcakes are everywhere - I didn't pick up the book thinking there'd be anything about cupcakes). Here's a little bit of that chapter, which I encourage you to check out in full; she also muses on her childhood, Hollywood, The Office, Matt and Ben, dating and more. Sections include "I Like New York and It Likes Me Okay" and "Hollywood: My Good Friend Who Is Also a Little Embarrassing." Mindy, if you're reading this, we'd love to buy you a cupcake (not a bribe!) and/or hear about your favorites when you used to eat them.

From the chapter ("on script" means "when writers are sent off on their own to write a first draft of an episode of the show," according to Kaling):

This time when I was on script, I stopped by my favorite cupcake place, which I will call Sunshine Cupcakes. (Sunshine Cupcakes, while a ridiculous name, is actually a restrained parody of cupcake bakery names. You have no idea. In Los Angeles, cupcake bakeries are as pervasive a Starbucks. They are the product of a city with an abundance of trophy wives, because trophy wives are the financial engines of cutesy commerce that makes Los Angeles like no other American city: toe jewelry, doorknob cozies, vegan dog food, you get it. If I am sounding mean, I should tell you how envious and admiring I am of these trophy wives. I'd marry a partner at William Morris Endeavor and start a cat pedicure parlor m'self if I were so lucky.)

So, yeah, on my fourth consecutive visit to Sunshine Cupcakes, I was paying for my cupcake when the female manager (cupcake apron, Far Side glasses, streak of pink hair: the universal whimsical bakery lady uniform, as far as I can tell) approached me.

FAR SIDE: You've come here a lot this week.

ME (mouthful of a generous sample): Yeah, I love this place, man.

FAR SIDE: We know you're on Twitter. (Leaning in conspiratorially) And if you're willing to tweet about loving Sunshine Cupcakes, this cupcake (gesturing to the one I was buying) is free.

I did not know it was possible to be triple offended. First of all, Manager Woman, if you notice that a thirty-two-year-old woman is coming to your cupcake bakery every day for a week, keep that information to yourself. I don't need to be reminded of how poor my food choices are on a regular basis. Second, how cheap and/or poor do you think I am? A cupcake costs two bucks!

There's more, but you should read the book for that (also, I very rarely see a cupcake that costs two dollars). I hope Mindy is exaggerating and that that wasn't really the last day she ate cupcakes, because that would be sad since she clearly loves them. Someone at least bake some for her!